You are a rock star, and you are my friend. Thank you

Rocks that look like five tiny birds on a wire. Two birds upright on the left, two upright on the right, and one in the middle hanging upside down like a bat. The caption off to the side reads: there is always one!

Published May 23, 2025 

There is always one. One who gets inside your heart more than most, one who has that life force inside that lights you up even as your light is fading.

I don’t know if anyone has told you lately or if you’ve heard it nearly enough in your lifetime, but you are a rock star, and you are my friend.

Without being specific, we’ve talked about bad decisions. I don’t need to know yours, but if you want to talk about them, I will listen forever, and I won’t judge. I’ve been judged my whole life, and I know how little it helps and how much it hurts.

You’re still here. That’s amazing! And it speaks to your resilience, and says so brilliantly that you are a candle that no one can blow out.

Pinkish-reddish flowers stand in a small drinking-glass vase filled with water. A white wall hanging with big blue butterflies on it is the backdrop.

Flowers you’ve picked for me, rocks you’ve found that you’ve turned into art, kindnesses you’ve done for me — I’m overwhelmed with emotion when I think about them. Whatever confluence of events put me on a long and winding road that led me to a place where I’d get to know you, it seems ludicrous to complain about the pain and suffering when I benefit from your heart and our friendship.

Thank you.

You are a creator

Look at what you’ve made! To others, they are rocks, barely even noticed, if at all. To you, they are fuel for your creative flame.

They look like people I want to be friends with. Like you and I are.

Before you found them, they were just strewn about, maybe even stuck inside your shoe. You transformed them.

I’ve written before about how we are all scattered pieces of the same oneness, and that comes to mind when I see your rock art. I’m too wordy lately, bursting with phrases and sentences that seem to go on too long and to come out wrong, so I won’t explain the previous sentence. I don’t see the need. But I’ll say that you are helping transform me.

A small turtle on the left is behind a big turtle on the right. They appear to be made of stones or carved from two stones or rocks.

There I am, a shadow of my former self, chasing the best version of myself, and at a turtle’s pace. Or should I say tortoise? My brain isn’t so sure anymore. It’s all beat up.

Having you as a friend is helping to heal it, along with the rest of me. You’ve helped show me that it’s important not only to look up, but also to look down. There is art at our feet.

A little help from, and for, my friends

By all rights, I shouldn’t still be here. So many people I’ve known and worked with are no longer living, yet I still am? It doesn’t make sense to me. By whose plan or logic?

Somehow, I’ve gotten by with a lot of help from my friends, and like my fictional cousin Blanche, the kindness of strangers.

The day you did the thing that started us talking and leading to my having a nearby ladyfriend, that was one of the best moments of my life. It’s why I’m fumbling my way through trying to write this right now.

That wasn’t the only day. It stands out. As I once read somewhere, there is always one! But there have been others.

As seen from above, on top of a deep purple towel, a horizontally placed hot-cold bag is stretched out. It's a Bed Buddy to help warm or cool a person. These often have rice inside them or some other product that retains hot or cold. The Bed Buddy here has a black background with the Wonder Woman logo (WW) many times and the words Wonder Woman spelled many times in a rainbow of letters. The instructions are on a card below it and partially tucked underneath. Bed Buddy Instructions. I made this Bed Buddy for you Carly. you can use it hot or cold. For Warm: Put in the microwave for 1.5-2 min till warm enough but it won't burn you. For Cold: Put in gallon Ziploc bag and put it in the freezer for 2 hrs or more. Remove From Ziploc before use. I hope you enjoy your Bed Buddy. P.S. It's getting cold out!

When I send some money your way, or paper towels or mini-Snickers or fortune cookies or whatever, it’s the scattered pieces coming back together. It’s only because of the help of so many people that I am in a position to help in the little ways I can. So when I pack a tiny care package, it not only comes from me but also from all of those who’ve helped to sustain and raise a Carly.

Bad decisions

Nobody says, “Hey, I’ll join a cult.” Or, “I’ll marry the wrong man!” Or, “Seems like a good idea to get addicted to something that’s bad for me.” They don’t seem like bad decisions when we make them. We are all dogpaddling our way through rough waters. For many of us, there’ve never been more hostile waters than lately.

Whatever my “bad decisions,” whatever yours, I see you and your kindness and beautiful art and blossoming soul and remember all the times when I wished I could catch a break or get another chance. And I think the best place to put my energy when I recall those times is to help you catch a break or get another chance. Otherwise, why am I still here?

Why are any of us still here?

Good or bad, right or wrong, left or right, up or down, correct or incorrect? Hell, I’m not sure I know anymore. But I know who makes me feel safe, and who doesn’t. You are safe for me. I hope you feel safe with me.

A stack of small stones of different colors appears to make a triangle or pyramid, and slightly above and to the right is a gray one that resembles a heart.

You are a rock star. You are my friend.

Thank you for sharing your light with me. It’s everything.

I’m grateful for all of my friends, and I’m sure most of the fake friends who fell by the wayside didn’t start out intending to be fake friends. I’ve been trying to leave room for extending grace to them, or at least to most of them. But I can’t meet them halfway if I have to close the gap between us entirely on my own.

And we rely on each other, uh-huh

Second chances come in all shapes and sizes.

The TV show “Ted Lasso” got me through the worst years of the pandemic. I know of no parallels between this episode and your life; as far as I know, you are guilty of nothing other than making what you consider to be bad decisions. But I thought about these scenes while writing this, and I don’t think it was an accident.

I almost decided against it — seeing as how it could land as an unnecessary part of this story — but I’m putting that video here because although it’s fiction, things like this do happen, they are part of our shared storytelling canon, and they speak in their own way to the power of being given another chance, of being given another day. No matter what came before.

Having had the water at my neck many times, I can’t believe my good luck in having been given second and third and fourth chances. Living as my authentic self is the best second chance ever, but even that was possible only because of so many kindnesses. That 2023 scene from “Ted Lasso” added a layer to why I want to help people get another chance when I’m able. The first time I saw it, you were already here. We just didn’t know each other well.

Now we do. I’m so glad. I get to see your light up close. And, when I can, be the person who helps instead of just the one who needs help.

Rocky roads, a rock and a hard place, and rock stars

The spirit of this story could be about so many of those lovely friends who have kept me alive enough for me to hop from lily pad to lily pad, as I am also fond of saying. Most of the butterflies in my apartment were gifts, with many of them from the same person. I am grateful for each one.

But this one’s for you, ladyfriend.

I can’t do what I’d have done in better times: spend an hour in the store looking for the perfect greeting card. It took me all day yesterday to write this, correcting mistakes in phases. Twelve hours from start to finish.

This seemed like a good way to construct a Thank You card. Although I will always wonder why I couldn’t write it better, will always worry that I fumbled it a bit, it’s my best version of crafting something right now.

And it’s yours.

Signed,

Carly

Co-signed by everyone who has ever helped a flailing, struggling Carly.

Sending love.

♥

Thank you

If you appreciate what you find here and feel generous, you can check out the Tip Jar. Thank you for reading. Here’s a butterfly for you.

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